Jaunary 2010 Wrap-Up

New tradition - the wrap-up.  From youngest to oldest, bulleted for ease!

Connor

• On the first day of this year, Connor moved into his own bedroom.  From the start, he slept great - he didn't have any transition issues.  His current sleep schedule is in bed by 8 PM, up around 11:30ish to eat, up again at 5:45ish to eat, up for the day at 8 AM.  Not to bad for a kid who wouldn't sleep longer than 2 hours for the longest time.
• His eating is a bit wierd right now.  He's transitioning and wants to eat more than he currently is, but he doesn't like anything.  He eats yogurt with oatmeal, waffles, cherrios, goldfish, graham crackers and gerber fruits and veggies.  He won't eat whole fruits and veggies or even mashed up fruits and veggies.  Oh no - it must be the strained crap.  We also discovered that, for now, Connor has an egg allergy.  That sucks. 
• Connor is still breast feeding.  He's eating about 8 ounces of milk during the day and perhaps another 8 at night from the breast.  Connor still very much loves his breast feeding time and while he's slowing down a bit, he's not showing any signs of fully weaning. 
• Connor is wearing 18 month clothes and they fit perfectly.  He's going to outgrow them soon. 
• We bought his first pair of shoes this month - size 4 double wides.  We had to spend $50 on them...ridiculous for infant shoes.  But he needed something to be able to walk around outside. 
• He says Momma and Bye Bye clearly.  He mimics the sounds for many other words - the most clear of them being "Bailey" and "All Done".  Those words will come next.  He's babbling up a storm - seriously talking.  He has full-on conversations with us - and we talk back.  We love his conversations.
• Without doubt, his favorite person right now is Bailey.  He needs Kelly and I...but he LOVES Bailey.  He looks for her, gets weird when she is not around and worries about her when she's crying or in trouble.  He chases her.  He annoys her and delights her and they are perfect siblings. 
• His favorite toys are any that make music.  The child is a music lover of the highest order.  He dances.  He waves his arms.  He gets low.  He's awesome. 
• His personality is hard to describe in a bullet - he's in the most loving, honest phase that I have seen children go through.  He's wide open right now - all love and tears and joy and frustration.  He's on the cusp of a major development and growth spurt that will leave him talking and mastering the most difficult challenges...but he's not there yet.  And so he's easily frustrated, but loves so hard!  He's such a sweet little love bug, until he's not.  It's that honest, pure stage where nothing that he feels is hidden and he's not yet trying to manipulate anything or anyone.  He just exists in our family and makes his presence and needs known.  He's our "Connor Buddy" and we all love him dearly. 

Bailey

• Potty training is at a full stop this month.  We got tired of buying pullups and having her use them like diapers.  She knows what to do, how to do it and what it feels like when she needs to go pee or poop.  She simply chooses not to go or tell us, so we assume that she is not yet ready.  We're not pushing it.  She knows that when she is ready, we're all over it and she'll get to pick out her own pretty panties.
• Bailey is adjusting to being a "stay-at-home" kid wonderfully.  She hasn't missed her friends at all - at least, not in any way that she has expressed to me.  She just loves being at home with me and Connor. 
• Her favorite food is mac and cheese.  Distant seconds are turkey hotdogs, chicken nuggets, McCain smiles, corn and all manner of fruit.  She loves eggs and pancakes for breakfast.  She usually wants cheese or fruity cherrios for snacks.  To drink she asks for water and juice equally...but she only gets water.  Juice is limited.  Occassionally she'll drink milk, but it's not her favorite. 
• She is wearing 4T pants and shirts right now.  Size 9 shoes.  He is a big girl - tall and well proportioned. 
• She is a phenomenal speaker - she can master any word thown her way and speaks clearly and without pronounciation problems. 
• She watches way more TV than I am comfortable with - her current favorite is the Mickey Mouse Club.  She loves them and would do nothing more than watch them all day - I have to prevent that. 
• Of the activities we do, her favorite is Library day.  She adores the library.
• Her BFF is Maleah.  She would spend every waking minute with Maleah if she could.  She told me the other day that she "loves going to Maleah's house every day"!
• Her imagination has taken off.  She plays independantly for long stretches of time and comes up with some of the funniest games.  I love to listen to her play.  It gives me insights into our parenting.
• We have allowed her to make the house her own for the first time.  She is allowed to go upstairs without us, as long as she tells us she is going.  And while she hasn't yet figured it out, the doHerthingy is off her bedroom door and she could come out of her room whenever she wanted to.
• Timeouts are the only effective means of punishing Bailey.  And she knows that the "count to three" means that she will lose a priviledge.  She hates losing things, so it usually works.
• Her personality right now is hot and cold.  But it's deliberate.  She knows how to manipulate.  And she does it.  Often.  She is also extremely loving and sweet right now.  Watching her with Connor is equal parts terrifying and heartbreaking in it's sweetness.  She's an amazing big sister. 
• I am her favorite person.  She is addicted to me.  I don't mind.

I was going to do updates for me and Kelly, but those will have to wait.  I'm exhausted and need to go to bed.

When Parenting Causes Minor Heart Failure

So, hell! 

Connor is on his way to eating real food.  Not the strained (and expensive) crap that comes in convenient 3.5 ounce sizes.  But real food.  We try something new every day.  So far, he's fallen in love with whole grain frozen waffles, cherrios, goldfish, graham crackers....but rejected all manner of fruit and vegetables.  He won't eat anything with meat in it - in any form.  He seems to be okay with some pasta, but has rejected those little Pasta Pickups.  In other words, our kid is a finicky freak in a way that Bailey never was.

Okay, so freak may be a harsh term. 

But honestly.  He is a bit of a freak about what he will and won't eat.  And at some point he needs to jump on board with some food that is not strained and spoon-fed.  Because it's not really filling him up anymore.  When you have to feed your child thee of them at any given setting, it's not working anymore.  And have I mentioned it's expensive to buy that much baby food??

Enter the point of this story.  EGGS!  Bailey loved 'em...still does for that matter.  They are easy to eat, easy to mash up with toothless gums.  They are nutritious in moderation.  They are full of protein.  And I have perfected the art of making a mean, mean omlet over the years.  Perfectly done eggs without a hint of "brown", folded over perfectly.  I mean, I'm good. 

So after feeding Connor his waffle, and preparing Bailey's omlet, I decided to give eggs a go with Connor.  I made him one egg.  I didn't cook it with butter and I didn't add cheese.  In other words - I was isolating the food just in case.  You know, so that I would know if something was wrong.  This little habit is something we've always done and if you are not yet a parent, I highly recommend it.  We are now close to 3 years into feeding children, and we've never had a problem with allergies.  Until yesterday. 

Connor picked up one piece of egg.  He put it on his lips and then refused to eat it.  I tried to coax him a bit, but he just waved me away, refusing to eat the egg.  This happens 90% of the time when Connor is offered new foods, so I wasn't surprised.  I left it sitting on his tray for a few minutes just in case he changed his mind.  But, of course, he didn't.  Thank god.

About 5 minutes after he touched his lips with the egg, he got a few red streaks around his mouth.  They looked like his face had been sunburned in short streaks.  You know what I'm talking about?  That kind of red, bloated look?  I noticed it and was curious, but not worried.  Bailey gets the same thing when she eats sugar-free syrup and it sits on her face.  But it quickly began spreading.  I was on the phone with Kelly when it started and by the time it had spread up the right side of his face and he started digging at his right eye, it was only about 7 minutes.  I told Kelly I was calling the doctor and hung up (she had been urging me to do this since the streaks started...she's a bigger worrier than I am). 

Connor was really digging at his eyes.  By this time, the red, bloated rashy look had spread to his forehead and was starting to creep down the left side of his face.  He was digging at both eyes.  I had, of course, removed all signs of the egg and cleaned him up so that no traces were left on him.  As I calmly (I hope) called the doctor, I began making sure my bag was stocked with baby supplies in case we needed to make an emergery trip to the hospital.  I was that scared...but also, not dumb enough to let myself be stuck in the ER without food for Bailey and enough diapers to survive.  LOL.

Anyway - as I waited on hold, it just seemed to get worse.  After finishing it's slow creep down the left side of his face, the red, bloated look seemed to get more bloated and he just kept digging at his eyes.  Then, his lips seemed to swell even more and a white ring appeared around his lips.  Kind of like if he were pursing them - but he wasn't. 

Now, I should stop and let you know that the entire time this was happening, Connor was babbling.  He was also smiling at me as I paced in front of him and kept talking to him.  I needed him to keep talking and making noises so that I could reassure myself that he was not having any trouble breathing.  My attention kept him happy and he gladly babbled and told me all about what was going on in his little-boy brain.  He never once seemed like he was struggling to breath or even a hint of anything beyond the red rash and itchy eyes.  Had I seen even a second of anything like that, I would have called 911 immediately (another reason I was packing necessary items in my bag). 

I finally got a nurse on the line and briefed her.  She asked if I had children's benadryl in the house.  I did...it had expired in Nov 09, but I figured that it would be okay for this.  After asking all the questions to ensure that Connor was breathing fine, she told me to give him 3/4 of a teaspoon of the benadryl.  She explained how allergies work - they are either "mild" and controllable by benadryl, or a huge problem and should be treated in the ER ASAP.  Given that we were about 20 minutes into the ordeal at this point and Connor was only exhibiting a rash and itchy eyes, it was very likely that benadryl would control the problem.  She also warned me about the sleepy effects of benadryl.

It worked and 15 minutes after giving him a dose, the red was mostly gone and he was well on his way to normal.  He never crashed out - which is odd.  But okay. 

This was our first incident with any kind of allergy.  Bailey has none to date.  I worry about the strength of this allergy given that he didn't ingest any of the eggs, and we have to make some decisions going forward about how to explore the allergy safely.  And, as with most things kid-related, we won't be able to tell if it's a real allergy until he's older than 2.  Most allergies that present prior to 2 are grown out of before the second year of life.  We have a lot of questions.

But I'm glad I was home with him when it happened.  Daycare would have called 911 (rightly) and THAT would have been a hellish situation as we tried to get home from the city, with our infant son in the ER.  I mean, how bad would that have sucked? 

Slow, Easy, Beautiful

It's so amazing what two weeks will do to a family.  Two weeks of ENOUGH time to get it all done.  Two weeks of both parents getting what they need to make their days work.  Two weeks of both kids getting enough sleep, enough attention and enough affection.  Two weeks of a pace that is not only managable, but fun and easy.  Two weeks of what feels like heaven.

To say that we are doing better would be an understatement.  We are rockin' in every sense of that word.  all four of us in our own ways.  We all four have had very different needs and we have all needed something different to "fix" what was ailing.  But somehow this arrangement seems to be doing just that. 

It's just, simply, working. 

I don't have internet access during the day - I am completely disconnected.  No blackberry, no computer.  I have my phone, so I can make calls...but I am completely disconnected from the world during the day.  Except for the parts of the world that I choose to include, like our classes and our friends.  I thought that I would hate it - that the disconnected part would be what I would struggle with the most.  But I don't.  Honestly, I feel so free.  I am not constantly checking this virtual world and what is happening with other people's lives.  I am focused entirely on my world - my children, my home, the day's events, the cycles that happen each morning and afternoon.  I do not miss a moment of my children's worlds.  They are in my full sights, with my full attention.  I haven't been so focused in my entire life.

Honestly, I can't remember another time when I have had enough time to get it all done.  For the first time, EVER, I feel like I am not over-extended.  I spend hours and hours on the floor with my children, watching them, playing with them, reading to them.  We tickle, we laugh, we cuddle, we chase.  I break up their fights, teach them manners and witness their passage through each day.  There are very, very few moments in my life now where I am racing to the next task.  There is almost always the option to just delay whatever it is that I was going to do for a tea party, or a "chase me" game with Connor.

This is revolutionary.  I don't know any other word to describe it.  I have never, ever lived like this.  I didn't know it was possible to live like this.  I had myself convinced that I needed to run at 180 miles per hour to be happy.

God, was I ever wrong.

For Me

Well, we all know that I am not the easiest person in the world...and eventually the "new" part of this will wear off and I will get bored. 

I have been brainstorming ideas for how I can deal with that. 

I think I have a pretty cool plan that allows me to chase a long-shot dream at the same time.

I have always wanted to write a book about sex.  Not a "how to" or anything like that - but my thoughts and impressions about sex and the world around us in relationship to various topics.  I think I'm pretty funny and I also think I have some good insights.  With that said, I also know that I need a research-based knowledge that I don't yet have.

In comes my good idea...I have a library card.  I have some free time in the morning.  I need to start reading.  I'll be doing research on some of the most important books to the field of human sexuality and sex therapy and then I'll start branching out to other topics.  When I start feeling like I have a grasp on the issues, I'll start writing. 

And even if I never start writing, I'll enjoy the reading...and feeling like I am "doing" something.

Our First Week

I know that the first week of anything is never the best predicter of how things will be over the long-term.  I mean, look at the first real week of a new relationship.  LOL - if we all acted like that forever, we'd never get anything done!  Or the first week of a new infant's life...that hot and cold of extreme beauty and abject fear - that doesn't last.  Or the first week of weight loss, where you can drop  15 pounds just by consuming some water.  Or the first week of a new job where you are given just the tiniest bit of work or are handed a procedures manual and told to read it and that is your work for the week.  Or the first week of classes when everything is still exciting and you are still totally on board with the syllubus and the homework doesn't seem daunting yet. 

So I get it.  I know that the first week of anything isn't the predictor. 

But oh, my dear friends, what a first week we had!  I have never, ever in my life experienced so much joy, calm, happiness and positive energy.  For the first time ever, I feel like I shut my eyes, jumped off the cliff of the unknown and landed with both feet solidily on the ground.  I feel like the woman I was always born to be. 

The kids and I had a couple of rough moments - but by and large, it was easy.  I hate to use that word.  I hate the thought that I might jinx this...but that's what it was.  It was easy.  It was fun.  It was enjoyable.  It was so peaceful to know that the only thing I had to do was them.  That sitting with them while they played or working with Bailey in her workbooks what what I was supposed to be doing.  That by enjoying those hours in that way was not only appropriate, it was expected.  To be able to take 45 minutes and sit and stare at my sleeping son, just because I wanted to, was a gift I have never had. 

And, it's not as if I didn't do anything.  I mean, every single day, I embraced new challenges.  I took Bailey to an art class on Monday.  We did the library and a craft on Wednesday.  I joined our local Mom's Club on Thursday.  On Friday, we all went grocery and Target shopping.  I mean, I didn't take it easy on myself.  I pushed us and the kids a little - kept us active.  But still.  Easy.  It was EASY.  It was even pleasant. 

And to top it all over and just add a little cherry on an already spectacular week, Bailey told the checkout lady at Target on Friday, "I don't go to school anymore.  I stay at home with my Momma and my little baby Connor buddy."  She then threw her arms around my legs and shouted "I love you, Momma"  at the top of her lungs.  The girl is so happy.  And he is too.  They are now, finally, running at a child's pace.  They have the life I have always wanted for them.  They will be challenged by me, but not life.  They will be engaged and will be active learners...but they won't have to labor under the stress of an adult schedule. 

Both Kelly and I are already showing the signs.  For me, it's immediate.  I have shed the stress of working full time and juggling it all like a bad winter coat.  I feel weightless, free, relaxed.  I don't find the same things tedious or annoying that I did just a couple of weeks ago.  I can handle the constant barrage of crying, needs and wants from the kids.  It doesn't just sound like relentless noise anymore.  I actually have some energy to pay attention to the kids and I can usually spot a meltdown before it's happening...and diffuse it.  All of these things are working together to create a me that is so much more peaceful and easy going.  Every night, just for some Mikki-blow-off-the-steam time, I crank up my music and the kids and I have a dance party for 3-4 songs...and I actually enjoy it.  I mean, my god, do you know how long it's been since I have truly ENJOYED anything? 

Kelly is getting there.  She can feel the effects of the changed atmosphere of our house, but I think the peace of that is tempered a little bit by the weaning process and her grief over that.  More on that in my next post.  There are a lot of changes happening with Connor and her and she struggles with that a bit.  Plus, she is still working.  But it's been so helpful for her to come home to a relaxed, peaceful me.  Honestly, I was so jacked up for so long that I think she started to believe that was who I had become.  She's seeing a newer side of me and the effects of that will only continue. 

What a glorious week.  The weekend started off poorly with a broken furnace requiring full replacement to the tune of $3300.  Lovely.  And I haven't slept much because we are having to maintain the space heaters to keep it warm enough in here and I can't just let a space heater run.  But this is a good example of change - because it hasn't phased me all that much.  I am just relaxed enough that I can roll with it, work with it and move on.  Taking Bailey to a birthday party this afternoon.  I can't wait! 

Subtle Transition

The transition feels easy this week.  I say that knowing that it is rarely the first week of something that is the hardest.  I expect that week 4 or 5 or 6 will be much harder.

I am doing well with this.  I wouldn't say that this is easy, but I will say that it doesn't feel like work.  WORK for me is having to do all the things that are outside of my comfort zone.  It's not work to be with my children all day.  It is exhausting, frustrating in moment, annoying in others and blissful in many.  But it's not WORK.  Work is having to deal with attorney egos and having to make nice when all I want to do is just roll my eyes.  I hate the game of corporate america, even if I do pretty well in the jobs.  It's just not me.  THAT feels like work.  This just feels like what I do. 

Connor has had no noticable transition stuff.  He's still being his funny, cute, beautiful baby self!  Yesterday I went out and bought him shoes.  $50 f-ing dollars for a pair of Stride Rites.  I don't even spend that much on me.  It's ridiculous.  The problem is that his fat little feet are a 4 extra wide.  And the cheapy places - Target, Walmart, Payless - don't make cheapy shoes that wide in his size.  And the other thing is that I hate having to put him in shoes at all.  We fully subscribe to the school of thought that says you don't put kids in shoes for as long as possible.  It's better for their feet, better for their learning how to walk, better for everything.  But, now that he's not in school and we are going to new places, I want to let him walk.  It's just not safe for me to let him walk around in his sock feet on flooring that I don't know is clean.  I would feel awful if he stepped on glass or a stray nail or whatever.  So, shoes.  The only saving grace is that they are super cute.  But he absolute hates them.  He even went so far as to attempt to spit on them in the store.  Literally.  Bent over and spit on the floor. 

He's such a drama queen.  Have I mentioned that yet?  I mean a SERIOUS drama queen.  I absolutely adore it.

Bailey is having an interesting reaction to being home with me.  She's very, very clingy.  She is hot and cold with Connor - generally, she wants what he is playing with and she gets visably angry with him if I give him any extra attention while she might be wanting some.  She is also "nesting".  I'm not sure what else to call it.  She doesn't want to leave the house.  She wants to stay in, do her workbooks, play, and watch TV.  The problem is that I'm not going to let her walk TV all day (she already watches more than I'm comfortable with) and she gets stir crazy.  She NEEDS the outside interaction and I need for her to have it.  She has also given up napping.  She spends about a hour in her room playing.  She doesn't cry or hate it - she just doesn't sleep.  This time is important for me, but not crucial.  At least, not yet.  I'm not sure what is going on with Bailey - if this is who she is and I just didn't really know it.  Or if this transition.  Or whatever.  I am watching and seeing and will adjust as needed.

So all told, this has been a good week so far.  We're only on Thursday...there are still a couple of days.  I have had my moments, but I think it's been very sucessful.  So far anyway.

She's Logical

Day two has gone well.  I had a long, long dentist appointment this morning, so Kelly stayed with the kids.  Before I left, Bailey and I did our curriculum for the day.  She already loves this time, as each sucessful page leads to a sticker!

Turns out that Bailey is really good at logic puzzles.  I didn't realize that.  One of many discoveries that I suspect I will have about our children.  We were going a patterns/sequence thing with her.  She was able to identifie what iten would come next after 4.  The first was two umbrells, adnd two jackets.  The question is what comes next?  The umbrella.  She ws right!  I thought it might be a fluke, so I had her do it again.  She did it 8 times, never making a mistake. 

She's brilliant.  And logical.

Still On Vacation

Today is my first real day as a stay at home Momma.  The kids are not in school.  They are not going to school.  But, I could still be on vacation.  I don't think that it's sunk in yet.

For the kids, the change is immediate.  For starters, if this were a school day, they would have been woken up an hour and a half ago.  They would have already been brought to school and I would be racing for the bus. 

Instead, they are both still in bed.  They will wake up soon, I'm sure.  But who knows?  They can sleep as long as they want. 

Our plan today is to get a bit of studying done - Bailey and I will work on her workbooks and letter recognition.  We will also start reading a book that we will read on all week - Peter Pan, I think.  Of course, Bailey could change her mind about that!!!  Then, off to an art class at 10:00 AM.  Then lunch.  Then naps.

Day one...

OH - I'm not sure that this is significant, but on Friday, Kelly and I signed and had notarized our Maryland Domestic Partnership agreement.  If DC actually is able to keep gay marriage legal, we'll see if we decide to make an appearance in front of the justice of the peace.  We'll see. 

Curriculum

Go ahead - laugh at me.  I know you want to.  Yes, the title of this post is curriculum and yes, I am developing the curriculum that I will use to continue Bailey's education and get Connor's started.

See, I need a plan.  Always.  I don't just let things happen.  I like a plan.  So, I am going to make some plans about what we will learn and then keep track of our progress.  We are starting slowly - going over things she already knows. 

Of course, I don't really know what I'm doing.  This week, Bailey and I will study the letters A & B, numbers 1 & 2, and we will work on matching, mazes, colors, shapes, and finding opposites.  We are also starting a book that will go through the entire week.  My entire plan for her is no longer than a half hour each day.  It's high energy - exciting.  We will do it first thing in the morning, after breakfast, before we head out for our morning activities.  The afternoon will be free for long naps, relaxing and making dinner. 

I'm not sure where, or how, to start with Connor.  I will read to him, of course.  I will start letting him color and work with playdough.  I pretty much feel like I am going to aid in his exploration for now.  He's not really ready for any real instruction.  We're going to work on fine motor skills - things like rolling balls, coloring, pounding with hammers, and stacking.  Does that sound right?

So anyway.  Curriculum starts on Monday. 

Along with Art class on Monday morning.  Tuesday mornings are free - and will probably be filled with playdates or other random fun.  Wednesday is library day (a class for each, with a story, a song and a craft).  Thursday is KidFit - a rhythm and dance class that both will be able to participate in.  Friday mornings are reserved for grocery shopping.  Every second Thursday of the month, we will attend our MOMS club meetings with our buddies.  I will also start attending some of the events and playdates put on by the women in the organization. 

See.  I'm a planner.  I don't do "easy" well.  LOL

WHOA Girl!!!!

Dear God.  Don't let me loose in the Educate & Celebrate store! 

Bailey and Connor are now the proud owners of a full-sized calendar with a weather station, a "today is...tomorrow will be...yesterday was..." station, and holiday cards for the special days.  Bailey also has a clock for learning to tell time.  We've also got a potty chart and 750 reward stickers. 

I have gotten online and started developing my curriculum ideas for their education.  I want to make sure that they don't lose the progress they have gained. 

With all that said - I am staying loose.  I know you don't believe me.  But I really am. 

Especially today.  The kids are back in school for their last day.  Bailey gets to treat her friends to cupcakes and juice.  Connor has a doctor's appointment this morning, but then will go to school.  And me and Kelly?  We're celebrating our last day of kids in school by seeing a movie this afternoon.

Speaking of celebrating...my beautiful wife and kids treated me to 18 long-stemmed red roses as a thank you for taking care of them.  Have I ever mentioned how much I adore my family?

And in milestones - I would be failing the record if I didn't let you all know that as of yesterday afternoon, Connor's TWO top teeth finally broke through.  The poor boy has been in some serious pain the last few days.  But now, they have broken through.  Hopefully we'll have a quiet few weeks before the next set start coming!  Teething is the worst of all the development things, I think.  It's painful, it's slow...it's painful.  It effects all the majors - eating, sleeping and mood.  It sucks, in short.  But those little tiny teeth sure are cute when they pop through!

A Whole New World

I didn't anticipate how emotional or how monumental the last few days would feel.  Somehow, I imagined that I would just breeze through the transition on my own happiness and certainty.

In many ways I did just that.  Until I looked at my boss.  Or when I started packing up my office.  Or when I sent the email office-wide that I was leaving.  Or when I walked into the conference room full of the amazing women who have made these past four years so important. 

The saddness of the last few days was about saying goodbye to a part of me - the working girl side of me - that I thought would ALWAYS be around.  Sure, I dreamed of this opportunity, but I never really thought it would happen.  Kelly and I never really thought this would ever be a financial option and then, after my PPD, we didn't think it would happen for a whole lot of other reasons.

I have loved working.  If I could isolate the job from the stress the job put on my life, I would never want to stop working.  I love being challenged daily.  I love doing good work and seeing my efforts pay off.  I love that I was a critical part of a team and that my presence made the department better.  Mostly, I loved the people I worked with.  Honestly, I couldn't ask for a better group of people to have shared the last 4 years of my life with.  Good, hardworking, funny people who made every day worth it and enjoyable. 

I am going to miss that.  I am so happy that I get to do this.  Really, I have no words to describe how excited I feel for this challenge.  But right now, for a couple more days, I am going to let myself feel a bit sad as I say goodbye to the working woman in me who is taking a rest for now. 

My Heaven

I am wrapped up in the warmest blanket of sureness that I have ever felt.  I am comfortable, confident, excited, happy, and certain.  This is my last Monday as a working mother for a while and I have never been so certain that we have made the right decision for our family.

These are my people.  The center of my universe.  My purpose.  I know the job that I face will have it's challenges.  Probably big, huge ones that I can't even concieve of right now.  But I also know that I know how do to this work.  Loving them, caring for them, being the center of their worlds - that is the work of my life.  It's in my marrow, so deeply ingrained in every part of my body that it cannot be seperated from the very essence of who I am.

Only one other time have I ever been this certain.  The moment I launched myself into my love's arms and said "yes" to her marriage proposal.  I say it now to my children and to my wife all over again.

Yes.  Yes.  Yes.  A million times yes. 

Sleep Heaven

Last night was sleep heaven.  Our crap-ass sleeper had one of those sleep nights in his new room that felt like heaven.  Down at 7:30 PM, up once at 2 AM to breast feed, back down without a fight and he's still sleeping. 

I knew the kid needed his own room.  I knew it.

We had a great time yesterday hanging out with Monica and Susanne (Susanica) and their two children.  Danny is the same age as Bailey and they had a great time hanging out.  At one point, toward the end of the day, Bailey dropped a guitar on Danny's face.  No so great.  She's seeming to be at the stage where she has to test the outer limits of acceptability on everything.  Or she always wants the question of "what will happen if...." answered. 

I felt horrible for Danny.  He recovered quickly, but still.

Other than that, it was a great visit for all of us.  Holding thier tiny new baby (he was born just a few weeks ago), made me realize a couple of things. 

1) I would do it again if Kelly wanted to.

2) Connor is freakin' huge.  He's NOT a tiny baby anymore.

One more "week" and it's a short one for work.  Three more days, family of mine, until I am all yours.

New Year...New Room

Much the way that K and I always do things, we are transition C into his own room with a mix of her needs being met and my needs being met.

He's there, in his own room.  Last night was the first night.  But we didn't make him cry it out.  And we won't for a while.  For last night, we reponded to him twice.  He woke up around 11 and we went and got him.  Brought him back to our bed for feeding.  He struggled to go back to sleep and at around 11:45, I ended up leaving him in his room to whine himself back to sleep. 

He wasn't freaking out.  He wasn't even really crying.  When I left him (after watching him and consoling him for 15 minutes), he wasn't standing.  He was laying on his side, clutching the mommy-scented t-shirt we had given him and whining.  Wimpering, if you ask K.  But I left him and shut the door and went back into our bedroom to coach his hurting Mommy through the process.

I knew it would be okay because he wasn't frantic.  He wasn't freakin' out.  He wasn't going crazy.  Even still, she peppered me with questions, "Do you think he's standing up?"  "Do you think he is scared?"  "I know he is physically safe, but what about emotionally?" 

Ah, my beautiful wife and her love for this child that she birthed.  She felt every cry, every whimper, every moan like a physical blow to her body.  And still, she laid beside me and endured the pain.  And within 15 minutes, our beautiful boy had gone to sleep. 

She had me check on him, and sure enough, he was sound asleep.  Wrapped up in her t-shirt.  I get that.  I used to do the same thing when we lived in seperate states. 

C was up again at 4 AM.  I went and got him and brought him to the waiting arms and breast of his Mommy.  She fed him and he fell asleep in her arms.  She carried him back into his crib and put him down.  He didn't wake this time.  It's now been 2 1/2 hours and he's still sleeping.  I'm not sure that C has ever slept past 6 AM. 

I call it a success.  We rung in the new year listening to our son cry, but we also rung in the new year together, in our bed without children.  The good with the bad.  The hard with the sweet.  This is livin' at it's most honest for us. 

Happy New Year and welcome 2010.  I suspect that this will be the best year of my life...