I didn't anticipate how emotional or how monumental the last few days would feel. Somehow, I imagined that I would just breeze through the transition on my own happiness and certainty.
In many ways I did just that. Until I looked at my boss. Or when I started packing up my office. Or when I sent the email office-wide that I was leaving. Or when I walked into the conference room full of the amazing women who have made these past four years so important.
The saddness of the last few days was about saying goodbye to a part of me - the working girl side of me - that I thought would ALWAYS be around. Sure, I dreamed of this opportunity, but I never really thought it would happen. Kelly and I never really thought this would ever be a financial option and then, after my PPD, we didn't think it would happen for a whole lot of other reasons.
I have loved working. If I could isolate the job from the stress the job put on my life, I would never want to stop working. I love being challenged daily. I love doing good work and seeing my efforts pay off. I love that I was a critical part of a team and that my presence made the department better. Mostly, I loved the people I worked with. Honestly, I couldn't ask for a better group of people to have shared the last 4 years of my life with. Good, hardworking, funny people who made every day worth it and enjoyable.
I am going to miss that. I am so happy that I get to do this. Really, I have no words to describe how excited I feel for this challenge. But right now, for a couple more days, I am going to let myself feel a bit sad as I say goodbye to the working woman in me who is taking a rest for now.
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You are still going to be working; you will still see your efforts pay off and be challenged daily. You will still be doing good work and be a critical part of a team. The work will be different, the challenges will be different, but being an at home mother is very hard, very challenging, and very rewarding work.
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