Our First Week

I know that the first week of anything is never the best predicter of how things will be over the long-term.  I mean, look at the first real week of a new relationship.  LOL - if we all acted like that forever, we'd never get anything done!  Or the first week of a new infant's life...that hot and cold of extreme beauty and abject fear - that doesn't last.  Or the first week of weight loss, where you can drop  15 pounds just by consuming some water.  Or the first week of a new job where you are given just the tiniest bit of work or are handed a procedures manual and told to read it and that is your work for the week.  Or the first week of classes when everything is still exciting and you are still totally on board with the syllubus and the homework doesn't seem daunting yet. 

So I get it.  I know that the first week of anything isn't the predictor. 

But oh, my dear friends, what a first week we had!  I have never, ever in my life experienced so much joy, calm, happiness and positive energy.  For the first time ever, I feel like I shut my eyes, jumped off the cliff of the unknown and landed with both feet solidily on the ground.  I feel like the woman I was always born to be. 

The kids and I had a couple of rough moments - but by and large, it was easy.  I hate to use that word.  I hate the thought that I might jinx this...but that's what it was.  It was easy.  It was fun.  It was enjoyable.  It was so peaceful to know that the only thing I had to do was them.  That sitting with them while they played or working with Bailey in her workbooks what what I was supposed to be doing.  That by enjoying those hours in that way was not only appropriate, it was expected.  To be able to take 45 minutes and sit and stare at my sleeping son, just because I wanted to, was a gift I have never had. 

And, it's not as if I didn't do anything.  I mean, every single day, I embraced new challenges.  I took Bailey to an art class on Monday.  We did the library and a craft on Wednesday.  I joined our local Mom's Club on Thursday.  On Friday, we all went grocery and Target shopping.  I mean, I didn't take it easy on myself.  I pushed us and the kids a little - kept us active.  But still.  Easy.  It was EASY.  It was even pleasant. 

And to top it all over and just add a little cherry on an already spectacular week, Bailey told the checkout lady at Target on Friday, "I don't go to school anymore.  I stay at home with my Momma and my little baby Connor buddy."  She then threw her arms around my legs and shouted "I love you, Momma"  at the top of her lungs.  The girl is so happy.  And he is too.  They are now, finally, running at a child's pace.  They have the life I have always wanted for them.  They will be challenged by me, but not life.  They will be engaged and will be active learners...but they won't have to labor under the stress of an adult schedule. 

Both Kelly and I are already showing the signs.  For me, it's immediate.  I have shed the stress of working full time and juggling it all like a bad winter coat.  I feel weightless, free, relaxed.  I don't find the same things tedious or annoying that I did just a couple of weeks ago.  I can handle the constant barrage of crying, needs and wants from the kids.  It doesn't just sound like relentless noise anymore.  I actually have some energy to pay attention to the kids and I can usually spot a meltdown before it's happening...and diffuse it.  All of these things are working together to create a me that is so much more peaceful and easy going.  Every night, just for some Mikki-blow-off-the-steam time, I crank up my music and the kids and I have a dance party for 3-4 songs...and I actually enjoy it.  I mean, my god, do you know how long it's been since I have truly ENJOYED anything? 

Kelly is getting there.  She can feel the effects of the changed atmosphere of our house, but I think the peace of that is tempered a little bit by the weaning process and her grief over that.  More on that in my next post.  There are a lot of changes happening with Connor and her and she struggles with that a bit.  Plus, she is still working.  But it's been so helpful for her to come home to a relaxed, peaceful me.  Honestly, I was so jacked up for so long that I think she started to believe that was who I had become.  She's seeing a newer side of me and the effects of that will only continue. 

What a glorious week.  The weekend started off poorly with a broken furnace requiring full replacement to the tune of $3300.  Lovely.  And I haven't slept much because we are having to maintain the space heaters to keep it warm enough in here and I can't just let a space heater run.  But this is a good example of change - because it hasn't phased me all that much.  I am just relaxed enough that I can roll with it, work with it and move on.  Taking Bailey to a birthday party this afternoon.  I can't wait!