Honeymoon

That blissful honeymoon phase that this family has existed in for the first 6 weeks of my staying home has ended.  Not so much for me, but for the kids.  And certainly for my relationship. 

So me first - since I think it's the best and easiest.  I am loving this.  Still.  Every day.  Even the really difficult ones (like today).  I watched the neighbors getting their kids up and out super early (they have young children) and all I felt was relief.  I watch Kelly leave for work each day and I don't feel even the tiniest twinge of regret.  I liked my job - but that is all it was.  A job.  Not a career.  Certainly not a passion.  I am more certain now, six weeks later, that I have made the absolute right choice.  I have no second thoughts.  No desire to make any changes.  Even the stuff that is irritating as hell - like when they whine in tandem - isn't enough to make any other option seem more appealing.  This is exactly what I am meant to be doing at this time in my life. 

The kids, who have really enjoyed the change and who have flourished under my continuous care, are starting to show some signs of weariness.  The super good, excited to be together energy that has permeated every day is changing.  Of course, it is more obvious with Bailey than with Connor.  The age difference and language differences make their experiences very different.  Bailey throws fits about everything - but she is consistent about throwing a fit whenever it is time to turn off the TV.  It's gotten so bad that I am contemplating doing a complete TV detox.  100%.  But that means I have to detox too - not from TV, cause I rarely watch - but from the free time that the TV gives me.  She is less about clinging to me and more and more about wanting to plug herself into the boob tube and just stay there.  All day.  It sucks.  Connor has gotten more clingy, not less.  And lord, that child can cry.  And he makes the real tears come.  Our little boy is not messing around. Oh no.  Not Connor.  He gets ridiculously devastated if you don't pick him up immediately when requested.  He can't handle being even the slightest bit hungry or tired.  And whenever anything is out of place, out of step, out of routine, he comes running and it takes a long time to untangle yourself from him.  And then 10 minutes later, he's back. 

All of which is fine.  Honestly.  I really do love this.  But when he's falling apart because he won't got to sleep and she is throwing the motherload of all screaming fits because I turned off the TV...and they are doing this at the same time, well...it could drive me to drink.  It's pure insanity and it only takes about 15 minutes before my patience is all gone and Momma is all done.  Today, they did it for an hour.  At the same time.  It really sucked.

All told, though, the kids have adjusted really well.  Connor has slept through the night for three nights now.  Hopefully tonight will make the 4th night.  "Through the night" means in bed around 7ish and not up again until 7ish.  AMEN!  I love sleep.  Bailey is delighted to find me every morning and seems so happy that we get to stay together all day. 

Kelly and I are still together.  Hanging in there.  Barely in some moments...but still there.  I think it is safe to say that of any relationship in this household, the one between us is the weakest.  Parenting a toddler and a brand new one year old is hard.  At least, it's hard for us.  And I mean "us" in the full on "couple" meaning.  Our relationship always gets pushed away and trying to maintain a marriage in the face of that is fucked up.  But, we're working through it.  I have no doubt that we are strong enough to survive this period, and even enjoy it in moments.  She is my best friend, afterall. 

That's all for now.  More later!